Dave Vs Dave – The Decider

By September 24, 2010Life of Dave
Well, I thought it was over.  I thought it was all done with…..  But nope.  There is still more to this tale.
 For one, apparently I’m famous and on The Age website – checkit here – WHAT?  How did that happen?
And secondly, I hadn’t heard the last of Mr Thorne, despite our last chat (here) and our first tete-a-tate (here).  I recieved an email from Daveyboy yesterday.  Despite calling me a liar and a fame hound last time, he seems ever so slightly conciliatory.  Read on!


From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Your payment to David Thorne
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 07:54:16 -0400
To: Dave
Hello Dave,


It would seem that I owe you an apology. 
When we changed distributors, 116 orders from several thousand were not fulfilled and it would appear yours was one of them.
My assumption was that these had been completed. And you know what they say about assumptions.
While it would possibly be a cunning plan to trick 116 people out of their hard earned $22.95 and live like a king, this is not the case.
I have only this week received the previous distributors shipping list.
The website relies on people like yourself who purchase products to keep the site going and repaying your support with delayed orders was nobody’s intention.
I have sent a request to Kimberly to issue a refund and have ordered you a book gratis. 
I am currently in the US and she handles that side of things. Your order number for the gratis copy is below.

I count that as a win, but a hollow one.

Seek first to understand is always a good motto.  The guy’s called me a liar on a basis less stable than a drunken monkey on a tricycle.  When he finally realised his error (hey, it’s only been since March) he apologises with an email and an attempt at some lame jokes.  OK, fair enough, he owned up to his mistakes and apologised.  Fine, I can accept that.  If the guy’s big enough to take it on the chin, then I can let it go.  But there’s just one small point to be made.

The guy is still, in the words of many of my illustrious readers, a douche.

Anyone want a free book?  Anyone?

About Dave Sinclair

Dave is a writer, a screenwriter and a really excellent parallel parker. He is the author of The Barista's Guide to Espionage.


  • I don't want a book that has dart holes in it, thanks. Word verification: suctruHahaha!

  • Anonymous says:

    Come on, at least be gracious in your little victory, or you'll risk earning yourself the title of 'douche'.

  • Anonymous says:

    Use a spell checker next time you send and email or post anything to the internet, especially if you are supposedly 'A writer in search of an Agent/Publisher'… douche

  • Ren says:

    Hey Anon, at least when Dave calls someone a douche, he has the guts to stamp his name against it.D-O-U-C-H-EThere, did I spell it right?

  • Anonymous says:

    Hey Anonymous @ 5.34pm, That would be "send 'an' email" to be strictly correct.Are you anally retentive or just a 'douche-bag'?:)Mr Technical Writer.

  • Rob says:

    Hi Anonymous peoples (and everyone else). When I read this post earlier today, I too was originally going to say something about being a little gracious in victory as well. But then I went back and read the last Thorne email from the previous post, and he out and out called Dave a liar.So while he apologises generically in this one and admits that his site was at fault he doesn't once say that he personally was out of line and made accusations that he shouldn't have. So I think Dave has every right to be ungracious, and even a little ingrammatical.

  • bruce says:

    Do you know how much respect I give to a person who doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to criticize someone using a 'real' profile ? zero, zilch, nada….NONE !!!! To you anonymous criticizer's, go and crawl back under what ever rock it was to crawled out from when you decided to grace us with your presence !!!

  • Rob says:

    Well said, Bruce. If that is indeed your real name 🙂

  • Scott says:

    er, I dont actually think you are famous. David Thorne is famous and you grabbed a few seconds of his light by association. Neither you or that Alli Sinclair chick are very good writers so it comes off as tall poppy syndrome. The guy apologised for a muck up that his distributor made and sent you the book and reimbursed you? When you sent him a whole lot of poorly written emulated crap whining like a girl? Fuck man you got your book. This coat riding of his fame makes you look like the douche. Meanwhile you think this is a win while he sells 100's of books a day. Idiot's view is right.

  • Anonymous says:

    Obvsiouly this Scott bloke has nothing to do with his time other than try and antagonise people – and he's not doing a very good job of it. Slagging off is oh-so mature.Scott, you've spoken your piece, get on with your life – if you have one.Katie

  • Shandy says:

    Dave – brilliant stuff! You handled yourself with class. Especially when the guys called you a liar when all you were doing was ordering a book from someone you admired. I think you were very restrained. And if people don't get that you were using Thorne's own style against him, then screw 'em.Oh and Scottie, Dave's an awesome writer. You obviously haven't read his stuff. Like the blog he wrote on cults – funny and wise. The short story about the girl and her dad made me (and a few others by the sounds of it) cry. That's writing my friend. What have you done but bitch about people from behind a keyboard?Is your real name Chris by any chance? (in joke if you'd bothered to read the blog at all)

  • Ren says:

    Tall poppy syndrome: Isn't that exactly what you're doing to Dave, Scott? If what Dave is doing is coat-tail riding, doesn't that makes you a coat-tail rider of a coat-tail rider?After all, you've commented on the blog as well as the article.That, my friend, makes you a double-douche.

  • I wonder who this Anonymous and why he (or she, but I assume by the anal retentive spelling that it is loosely a dude) is so butt hurt over this issue. Can I call you Anon, Anonymous or would you prefer to remain anonymous? Either way its up to you, but anyway, when I was sixteen I caught my foreskin in the zipper of my jeans. They were a cheap pair of jeans which were all the rage in the mid 90s and were notorious for having very, very sharp zips. It hurt a lot.Then when I was twenty, me and my friends took a short cut through some fields and came across two guys having sex under old oak trees. It was a bit embarrassing as one of them was my old geography teacher. Anyway back to the point, those were most painful and gayest points in my life right up until I read your posts. David Thorne is a assclown pure and simple. He had his 15 minutes of fame and we had some laughs (manly in my case, girly in yours) and then like a cranky mother in law, he out stayed his welcome. He ceased being funny a while back. He out and out called Dave a liar and came across as a total tool, so as Aristotle said to Archimedes when discussing the 14th senate ‘Fuck thorne and the clownshoes he walked in on.’ (said of course in a comical Greek accent).He can dish it, but cant receive it, so as far as I am concerned he can go an eatadik.

  • Louise says:

    To Skull Monkey aboveSounds like you are a bit jealous too. I dont think David had 15 minutes of fame. Sure the spider emails were huge but then he did the matthews party emails whcih went viral, then about 5 others, then he was responsible for kates party which made the news worldwide and this year he gave us Missing Missy and the Simons pie chart emails and now the foggot ones. This guy has proven himself one of the comedy gold mines of the internet era. and has hundreds of thousands of fans. Hardly 15 minutes of fame. BTW, yes I bought the book and recieved it in about two weeks.

  • To LouiseI just had a look around the house and I can not find any ounce of care factor for David Thorne and his tired antics. I thought I found something, but it was just a long lost button under the sofa. He got his laughs by being a troll and making people into laughing stocks. That’s not the work of a comic genius, that’s the work of a douche.

  • brett says:

    Lulz. Skull Monkey is Scott Mintred. you can tell by the piss poor way he writes and non funny attempts at humour.

  • Anonymous says:

    Sorry you didn't get your book but you have to admit that David Thorne is the funniest writer on the planet at the moment. You should have probably just written him "wheres my book" instead of all the other stuff trying to emulate his style unsuccessfully. it kind of came across like that skull monkey dude, trying hard but not very clever. Peace out.

  • Dave ~ says:

    My Peeps, my Peeps.I've deliberately remained quiet, letting everyone have their say – and you did. Thanks to those that made supportive comments – you guys rock.And to the Dave Thorne fans – keep being Dave Thorne fans. No problems there. After all, I was one too until I was a little burnt by the guy, but hey, I have no problem with you guys at all.Let's all move on and concentrate on the important things in life – like this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG5AwGitZbs

  • Shona says:

    Hey Dave,Glad you got your book. Bit sucky that he acted like that. Although i suppose in his defence, he could get alot of emails like that, and maybe he just thought you were trying to con him out of another book? I'm not sure what he's motives were for calling you a liar, but to be honest, how would he know who you were anyway?Although he sounds a bit of a douche, he does write very funny stuff, and i think i'll continue to read his material (and now yours!)Oh, and i've had a quick read of your other stuff, seems pretty good. Interesting, you should keep at what you're doing, and aim for your goal to be a writer.-Shona. =)

  • Sarah says:

    I ordered my book in June and still haven't received it. I've had promises of a free book and refunds. Still nothing. I'm mad. But at least he hasn't called me a liar – yet. Did you get your book and money? Is there hope for me?

  • Chris says:

    Me too, still waiting after orering The Internet is a Playground back in July. What a scam. Not happy.

  • Dave ~ says:

    ********************************IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!********************************Hold onto your merkins people…..The book has…..wait for it…..arrived!That's right kids, it finally arrived after only a lazy 209 days.There's no refund, but hey, there's a book. Now, that wasn't much of an effort was it?

  • Davis says:

    I'm glad you got your book. I ordered on 4 months ago and never got one. I was told to contact [email protected] and then [email protected] never got a reply. I would say I'll have your free book but as I've already paid $40 for it then it wouldn't be free for me.

  • Peter says:

    Hi DaveYour story is all too familiar. I have had similar experiences with Mr Thorne. Many people are still owed their book. Hopefully this site helps.http://www.facebook.com/pages/David-Thorne-Book-Delivery-Issues/172946992722669?v=wall

  • Longy says:

    Nope. Still a douche.

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